Going down the only road I've ever known...

It has been a while since I've contributed anything to my poor, neglected blog. Sometimes life just gets in the way. So if it is okay with you, reader(s), I'm going to allow myself the luxury of a stream-of-consciousness thought vomit.

I think one of the saddest things is gradually growing apart from someone. Obviously, heartbreak and sudden endings are devastating and gut-wrenching; but witnessing seasons change within people to the point of incongruency is so sad to me.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about the events of my life for the past couple of years. I am certain there are lessons to be learned, and anyone who knows me well enough knows that I think on those lessons a lot. I have been discontent with life and constantly disappointed in people. The positive side of that is that I am building the things I have sought from outside sources within myself. What was once a merry little village inside my soul is transforming into a kingdom. I have a plan for what I want from my future, and perhaps I have needed this new-found fortitude to make it happen.

So life doesn't always turn out the way you wanted it to. I have dwelled on that for quite a while now, personally. But maybe what the songs say is true: perhaps the best thing for us is for our plans to fall apart. I always think that who I am today, what I have accomplished, is not at all what I wanted when I was younger. But really, what did I know when I was younger? I wanted a life free of worries, with a straight, paved path that is easy to navigate. But what kind of life is that? Yes, I have suffered. Yes, I have known heartbreak and disappointments and frustrations and unbeatable battles that I never would have wanted. But I have learned, I've grown, I've felt things, even horrible things, deeper than I knew I could go. And in a way, the devastation and winding path of briars and brambles is kind of beautiful. No, I can't see what is around the next corner, but there's a certain kind of mystique with that, as well.

I have been working like a maniac at my office job the last couple of months, which is part of what contributed to my neglect of this blog. But I finally took a break and spent some time with nature. I'm not a hippie, but there is something so restoring in breathing in fresh, crisp mountain air. My feet (and my soul) were made for leaves and sticks, not concrete.

I am working on and have some ideas for things I want to share with you. I hope you bear with me and my spells of blog-neglect. Sending out love and a prayer for joy to every pair of eyes reading this. <3