Infinite Regret

I remember my hand in yours, your feet below mine

Dancing to soundless music, moving in time

I can see your hands clearly

As if drawn in my mind

I remember the smell of your apartment

In Atlanta

I can taste the anticipation of a child waiting for Santa

Those few Christmases we had with you

Oh, the time we took for granted.

The whole thing is like a story

A tale once told, long ago

Of someone else I should have known.

I wish I could have talked with you

Of politics, religion, and love.

I really wish you knew

Those things we never spoke of.

I want to know your life

The way one can only know firsthand.

I want to go behind the stories

And get to know the real man.

I want to see those parts of you

They say they see in me.

The way you pulled the strings

From your bananas

All the unimportant things,

your argumentative habits.

I’d even deal with your horror balls

To be able to sit across

From you for just an hour

And say the things that have to go unsaid

Those priceless words stuck in my head.

That infinite regret.

I love you.

And I know you loved me.

And it’s all right, you see,

Because you’re right here, in me.

My eyes are yours,

And parts of my soul.

Little habits that are still unknown.

You may not be around

To see us grown

And stand proud,

Adult to adult.

But you are remembered

And thought about.